Allow Yourself Time To Grieve
No matter the circumstances of your split, your feelings are valid and processing them is a journey in itself.
“You’re losing a big part of your life when you break up with someone. They are a friend, a lover, a confidante and maybe a housemate,” says Charly Lester, dating expert and CMO of Lumen, a dating app for people over 50. “They’ve probably been a daily feature in your life for some time, and you need to grieve that loss almost like you would a death.”
Tess Brigham, a therapist and life coach based in California, agrees. “It’s okay to feel sad one day, mad the next, in denial the day after, and back to feeling sad again.”
If You Dont Take Some Action The Issues Will Only Get Bigger
If your relationship is in trouble and you want to stay together, you have to take action. Doing more of what works and less of what doesnt is a great way to begin the process. Here are 10 things that many partners who have endured difficult times and emerged stronger have done:
Say The Magic Words I Love You Every Single Day
It doesnt matter if it was said earlier in the day by either partner repeat the phrase at least twice a day to make sure they feel special and loved.
Saying how much you love each other will let him/her know that youre willing to do anything for them. Then, when the time comes that something bad happens, remember the last thing he/she heard from you I Love You. It will help both of you feel better and happier as it takes away half of the stress.
Remember that saying I love you is not only applicable during courtship or when you are in a relationship already. Saying those three words can help strengthen any relationship, even if its just between two friends or siblings with no sexual background whatsoever.
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Research Shows That Couples Are Impacted By Screen Time
A Pew Research survey found that people are bothered by their partners time on mobile devices:
- 51% of people who are married, living together, or in a committed relationship say their partner is distracted by their cellphone when trying to converse with them.
- 4 in 10 people are at least sometimes bothered by their partner’s cellphone usage frequency.
Love Each Other Unconditionally
Loving each other unconditionally should be the goal of every relationship, which never fades.
While this goal could be more challenging than building a spaceship to travel to the moon, however, let me assure you that this goal is, in fact, achievable.
Strive towards loving each other, trusting each other, and supporting each others decisions without expecting anything in return.
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Have Breakfast In Bed
Start your morning in a truly relaxing way, with a tasty breakfast in bed. The easiest way to complete this goal would be to order room service at a hotel, but dont cancel out the opportunity to do it in your very own home too.
Hey husbandsthe wife will love breakfast in bed! And if youre worried about making it heres some help:
It doesnt really matter who does the cooking, but enjoy indulging in some waffles, eggs and mimosas while still cozied up in your bed.
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Ways To Surprise Your Partner
- Bring a mug of coffee to bed
- Volunteer to do one of the others chores
- Send a provocative text
- Meet your loved one at work
- Gift your partner with chocolate
- Leave lingerie on the bed
- Make eye contact and actively listen
- Wrap up a small gift
- Pen I love you in lipstick on the bathroom mirror
- Leave a cute sticky note on the front door or car steering wheel
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Problems Are Dealt With With The Word We
When in a relationship, you should always keep in mind that you are doing things together, and that includes solving issues jointly. Hence, when problems arise, you may want to begin with the discussion using the word we,. This pronoun serves as a reminder that the problem happened because of the two of you, and it can be resolved through your joint action. Using the pronoun you may only aggravate the issue, as it entails blaming each other for what has happened.
Have Strong Friendships Outside Of Your Relationship
Your whole life shouldnt be only about each other. As soon as you start to rely on your partner to provide you with everything you want and need in life, youre bound to crash and burn. Jon Kleinberg, a computer scientist at Cornell University, and Lars Backstrom, a senior engineer at Facebook, are the ones where both parties share the same number of mutual friends. So go make new pals on your own!
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When Relationships Get Messy
Many relationships get messy sooner or later and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, sometimes people need a good fight or a clearing of the air in order to get a relationship back on track. A conflict doesn’t mean the relationship has to come to an end. Remember: we often fight with the people we care about the most and with whom we share our greatest hopes.
Here are some ideas that might come in handy when things get hard:
Is all this easier said than done? Yes. Managing relationships may be hard, but it is not impossible. Think of yourself as an explorer, charting your course through the mysterious and murky waters of relationships. Treasure lies ahead!
Put Effort Into Looking Good Especially On Days When Things Are Rough Between The Both Of You
Look your best always remember that being yourself is what makes life more enjoyable! A smile on your face will also help brighten up his day as well.
Dress for him or her, too even if its just a cute T-shirt or your favorite dress. As cliche as this sounds, the way you dress can affect how he/she sees you and also change how he/she feels about himself your partner shouldnt be someone who always has to chase after you because of what youre wearing!
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Be Slow To Anger Quick To Listen
During a spat, tempers flare, egos inflate, and a battle gets underway. A heated argument can sometimes feel like going to war. But, as we rush to fortify our defenses and deploy our secret weapons, are we stopping to actually hear our partners out?
When talking to your mate, its easy to fall back on old exaggerations or hold our partners past behavior against them. We might even get mad all over again when we think back to their past actions.
The problem is that we allow our anger to cloud out our partner in the present. Even if they may have acted selfishly in the past, it doesnt mean that selfishness is what is driving them today.
When we dont listen to our partners, we deny them the opportunity to be validated and feel loved. Your relationship cant move into the future if youre still fighting someone from the past.
Learn To Communicate Openly And Comfortably
Communication is the key in any relationship, but many relationships are not working because partners think theyre communicating well while it is actually one-sided only!
Make time for him/her and talk about your needs, preferences, or other issues that bother you . He/she may have his own reasons why he acts this way, so never try to judge him based on those things but instead , encourage him/her to say how much pain he feels whenever he does a certain thing.
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Spend Time Together Without Technology
Speaking of making eye contact, eliminating technology every now and then is a great way to give your significant other your full attention. There is no denying how distracting technology can be, so make sure that you and your spouse are spending some time without it. Make a no cell phone rule for date night or leave the electronics in the other room during your morning coffee together.
Spending time together without the imposing distraction of technology allows you and your spouse to give each other the attention and consideration that you both deserve.
Lose Yourself In A Good Book
Is there a better form of escapism than an absorbing read? Put one in your tote and head to the park or a coffee shopit’ll get you out of the house, and you never know who you’ll strike up a conversation with about the page-turner in your hands.
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Protect Your Heart With A Social Media Purge
Whether you’re scrolling through old photos of happier times or hitting refresh on your ex’s profile to analyze every update, Facebook and Instagram can be pure poison for the brokenhearted. Though it may be temporarily gratifying to satisfy your curiosity, regarding what theyre up to, Lewandowski Jr suggests its best not to look back.
“Trying to decode if your ex is happy when he or she posted a picture from brunch is just going to make you feel bad about yourself,” says Brigham.
No matter what an ego-wounded ex may tell you, it’s not unkind to unfollow them feel free to block them in the name of mental health. You can also choose to “snooze” a Facebook friend for 30 days by clicking on the three dots in the right-hand corner of a status update, so they won’t appear in your feed for a month .
“The same goes for their friends and family,” Lester suggests. “If you think it’s just going to make you obsess over your ex’s every move, mute or remove them from your social media.”
In fact, Lewandoski Jr explains that participants who stalked their exs profile more ended up having a harder time dealing with the breakup. Reports included nagging feelings of love, continued sexual desire, more distress and negative feelings, and less personal growth post-breakup,” says the expert.
Learn About Your Damaging Cycles
Partners can fall into damaging patterns. A common pattern is the pursuer/withdrawer cycle. One partner will attack, nag, or chatter in a way to provoke a reaction from the other. Then the other will withdraw, stonewall, or leave to avoid the discomfort. The first partner will then pursue more, driving the second partner deeper into withdrawal. Obviously, this will only lead to frustration by all. The only way out is to recognize whats going on and talk about it together. Name it, claim it, and change.
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Signs Youre Trying Too Hard To Make A Relationship Work
Sometimes you need to be willing to walk away.
All relationships require effort and energy. You’ll need to talk through problems, compromise, and encourage each other to grow. But it should never feel as if you’re fighting an uphill battle, or as if you’re changing who you are in order to get along. These are all signs you’re trying too hard to make a relationship work, Jim Seibold, PhD, LMFT, a couples therapist, tells Bustle. And when that’s the case, you may ultimately decide it’s no longer worth it.
“Instead of trying to make a square peg fit into a round hole,” Seibold says, it’s often better to end a relationship and move on. The idea of letting go can be painful, and it’s often tempting to double down and hold onto a relationship for dear life. “However, the longer a bad relationship goes on the more pain you will experience,” he says.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with trying to resolve your problems, first. If it feels like there are ongoing issues, talk with your partner and share your concerns. You may be able to make a few changes and begin seeing eye-to-eye. Couples therapy can also be a big help, since it teaches you how to approach problems in a different, and more effective, way.
That said, if you’ve tried everything and still experience the issues listed below, it’s a sure sign you’re forcing your relationship to work.
Ways To Make Your Relationship Stronger
Photo by Brooke Cagle
Did you know that it takes more than just mere love to make a relationship work? More so, make it stronger?
Every couple wishes that theyre the ones for keeps. And of course, youre no exemption. But while you entered a relationship because you love your partner, its not all it takes to make the setup work. A lot of couples fail to make their relationship work despite being so in love with each other, and this is something you wouldnt want to experience. So yes, if you want your current relationship to last, you and your partner must know how to make it stronger.
Here are 13 ways that you can start with when aiming to strengthen your current relationship:
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Let Go Of The Desire To Fix Or Change Your Partner
William Glasser teaches in Choice Theory that the key to changing any relationship is to fully accept that you cannot change anyone except yourself. The sooner you fully accept this as truth, the sooner you will begin to heal and grow together. All of us long to be loved and accepted for who we are. When your partner feels that you are not ashamed or disappointed, then he/she may feel supported to choose to change. Meanwhile, focus on changing and improving yourself.
Ways To Spice Up Your Sex Life
Your relationship can still be as intimate as before.All you have to do is to try some new blings, keep note of a few slings, and have an open mind for new things, suggests Divyansh Mehta, brand communications, Pee Safe, a feminine hygiene brand.
Kindly note the image — a scene from Four More Shots Please that streams on Amazon Prime — has been posted only for representational purposes.
Your relationship might get a bit boring with time.
You’ll start feeling that the fire that fueled your chemistry is now slowly dying out, and distance makes its way between you two.
However, this may sound unusual, yet it’s completely normal and happens to the best of us!
One cannot just always stay in the ways of vanilla you have to go out of your comfort zone and explore the wide range of wise action and emotion that raise an appropriate commotion.
While we may agree that intimacy happens on its own and takes its course and time, we cannot deny that once it sets in, theres literally no end to it.
Exploring the intimacy of one’s relationship can lead to a happier, longer-lasting relationship.
You can learn more about your partner’s likes and dislikes, and experience a new form of pleasure. But what do we do when the ever-burning fire of desire begins to fade?
We add some spice, a little ice, roll a dice, and make everything pretty nice.
10 healthy tips to help you spice up your relationship:
1. Learn their love language
2. Exploring new avenues together
3. Always stay consistent
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Tell Your Partner What You Need Dont Make Them Guess
Its not always easy to talk about what you need. For one, many of us dont spend enough time thinking about whats really important to us in a relationship. And even if you do know what you need, talking about it can make you feel vulnerable, embarrassed, or even ashamed. But look at it from your partners point of view. Providing comfort and understanding to someone you love is a pleasure, not a burden.
If youve known each other for a while, you may assume that your partner has a pretty good idea of what you are thinking and what you need. However, your partner is not a mind-reader. While your partner may have some idea, it is much healthier to express your needs directly to avoid any confusion.
Your partner may sense something, but it might not be what you need. Whats more, people change, and what you needed and wanted five years ago, for example, may be very different now. So instead of letting resentment, misunderstanding, or anger grow when your partner continually gets it wrong, get in the habit of telling them exactly what you need.